Crying doesn’t make you less.

He pushes his way inside and I back up just enough to let me feel that I’m safe from being pulled into his arms.

“What’s this about?” he asks.

He looks worried and I try to smile. I want him to feel happy and not worried. I want him to feel I’m capable, but how can he when he saw.

“You saw me.”

“I do.”

I shake my head. “In the shower.”

His eyes darken and I see lust and also concern. He lusts after me… The thought surprises me. I’m no perfect picture. I know that my belly is more rounded than is fashionable, and that my thighs don’t have the sort after gap between them. They touch as I move, but he looks at me as though he could eat me.

“I did, and it took all my control not to go over and hold you.”

I look away, wondering if that would have been the right thing.

“Did I make the wrong choice?”

I smile. It’s almost as if he can read my mind. “I didn’t want you to see.”

“You crying?”

I nod.

“Why?” He really seems puzzled by this.

“In case you though I was…” I’m struggling for the right words. “Less.”

Max looks like I’ve just sucker punched him. “Less?”

“Yes.” I can’t look at him. Instead I stare at the floor.

“Crying doesn’t make you less,” he says and I want to believe him.

“You will worry.”

“About you crying?”

“About me not being able to cope,” I say.

I look up and I see realisation dawn on him. “That’s what you do,” he says. “You make yourself appear strong so that no one knows the real you.”

I take a step back.

“You don’t have to with me.”

“I don’t…”

Max smiles and his eyes lighten. “Don’t hide.” He pauses, “and I won’t hide from you.”

I look at him. I think he knows, because he is the same. I don’t ask but he nods, as if he heard me anyway.

“Now,” he says, “let’s go meet Colin’s new friends.”

“They aren’t going to kill me?” I ask.

“No, they are considering joining us.” He holds out a hand and I take it, realising that I might fall for this man, if he’s still a man. But then I don’t think I care if he isn’t.

“You won’t leave, will you?” I ask.

“Come on,” he says. “They want to meet you.”

I allow him to lead me, but he doesn’t answer my question. Max is going to leave. A pain wraps its way around my heart and I wonder if I haven’t fallen already.


About Kate

Kate Murray has recently completed her Masters in Creative Writing and is currently working as an illustrator and writer. Her first anthology of short stories ‘The Phantom Horse’ was published in December 2013 and she subsequently has had another anthology published by Raging Aardvark; “Love Just Is” looks at the truth of love, in all its guises from romantic to obsessive. She is currently working on an anthology of ghost stories which should be published at the end of October 2014 and is also writing her first novel. Kate runs two blogs, one is about her life as a writer ( and the other is a serialisation of a novel, “The Gone”; a disaster hits the world while Bitsy is on a flight from Italy. She lands to find that the world is completely altered and she must learn to survive in a place where everyone is not who they appear to be ( Kate has had short stories published in magazines and e-zines, including ‘The Lampeter Review’, ‘Jotter’s United’, and ‘What The Dickens’. She has had short stories included in the ‘Twisted Tales 2013’ anthology published by Raging Aardvark, and the ‘Busker Anthology’ and ‘Spooky Tales Anthology’ published by What the Dickens. Kate’s artwork has been exhibited at the Museum Of Modern Art in Machynlleth where she was selected after entering the art competition and at Aberglasney Gardens as part of the Mid Wales Art group. Her artwork has been published by companies from Norway to Australia and her latest works will have illustrations in it. She has also had a series of line drawings published by Staffordshire Wildlife Trust in their biodiversity action plan. Kate currently works in the foothill of the Cambrian Mountains where she has a purpose built workshop that she affectionately calls her ‘house’ as she spends far more time in there than anywhere else.
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One Response to Crying doesn’t make you less.

  1. Kate says:

    Reblogged this on Kate Murray and commented:

    The next part of the Gone…. #amwriting #thegone

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